hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
