i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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