Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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