I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
