barbara walters just said penis...
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
