hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
