It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
