We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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