how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No subtext here. People are naked.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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