dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
