she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
