That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
