Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my sisters under your porch take her home
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
