A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
