maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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