Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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