I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
