New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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