Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Is it penis luge time yet?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
