i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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