On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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