I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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