Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
