I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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