I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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