We won't sleep together?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
