how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
