oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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