I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
