he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
