I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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