forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he shaved USA in his pubs
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
