Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
