i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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