We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
