I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
