Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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