very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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