She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
