There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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