Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
im holly from the hills drunk
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
