This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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