I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
