My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
