im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
