Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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