I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
