Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just had sex on a roof
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
