It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
