you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
