she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
