This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
